Facing Reality

*Warning Friends and Family: This post is brutaly honest!*

There are so many songs that discuss life and how we live it. Some of these songs suggest that we should "live like we were dying". The past few days have been really hard on Justin and me. It is so hard to look at your child and think this could be the last time I see her do that, or say that or sit there.
I really feel like satan is working to get us down. The thought of losing her is unbarable for us. As we talk, pray and read God's word we are drawn to the story of Job. What happened to him was completely unfair by everyone's standards. But, we know that God never left his side and beacuse of his faithfulness, he never left God's favor.
Tonight I am completly confident that Carys will be OK during surgery. I still so not fear the cancer, but the thought of someone having their hands in her little body and working on veins and near her heart bugs me! I cannot wait until tomorrow when the doctors can tell us all of the details. I have spent the last hour or so sorting through caringbridge sites and carepages and God spoke to me just as though He were sitting next to me. We have been so blessed and we will continue to be as we keep the faith.
The past 2 or 3 weeks with Carys have been unbelievable. She has been in good physical and emotional states. She has played, spent the night with grandparents, ate, and even gained weight! Her little belly has grown and I see fat again on her arms and face. I am glad that her body can recoup so fast from the chemo. God's perfect timing allowed us to have a wonderful Christmas and a time with friends and family.
I guess that has made it seem hard for me in a way. I catch myself thinking "why" is she feeling so good? Am I crazy? She is feeling good because so many people are praying for her. God's hand of protection is upon her.
This year promises to be an adventrous one! I am excited about surgery. Most Wilms paitents start their journey with surgery but we are just now getting here. To think that the main tumor and the thrombus will be out by Monday night is SO GREAT!
I will be constantly in prayer for the next few days. I pray for all of the other families dealing with Cancer this new year. Here is my prayer for Monday.

Father,
You taught the sun where to stand in the morning. And you told the oceans, You can only come this far. Thank you for allowing me the privilidge of coming before Your throne of grace and mercy on behalf of me, Justin, and Carys. I ask now for peace and comfort. Help me be strong in You. Carys needs me and the only way that I can be there for her is if You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. Let others see that my strengh is only found in You.
Please God, sustain Carys through her surgery on Monday. Guide the surgeon as he works to make her better. Provide peace and healing for our hurting hearts. Allow us to see past what brings fear to our hearts and feel the blessings fall like rain.
Thank you Father for sending Jesus to make a way for me to know You. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit's presence in my life to guide my way. And thank you Father for your Holy Word. It's stories and scriptures provide comfort in my pain and comfort in my darkest hour. Thank you for the love of family and friends in Christ. Please provide oppritunities for me to serve You and open the eyes of my heart that I might see them. Father, there are lost people in my family. Good people who I love and care for. Please use Carys and her spirit and strengh to show them that You are the ONLY hope for eternity!
I love you and promise to "Praise You in This Storm" Amen~