Remembering

This is Carys at the hotel on 1/26/08 the Sunday night before our hospital admission. She can be a real 'ham' in front of the camera. She is sporting her new Hannah Montana nightgown. As you can see she has been feeling great!

This is Carys eating her Fruit Loops in our room before getting "hooked-up". When 4Tower hears we are comming they stock up on Fruit Loops! Seeing Carys like this make it so hard for me to remember that she is sick. This morning (1/30) when she woke up sick it hit me really hard. I want to prevent her from having to go though this; we all do. But, God has a purpose and a plan. We have to just hang on for the ride and keep putting our trust in HIM!

As the sun rose this morning I was feeling a little down. The way the light came through the IV line was a reminder to me that God will shine HIS light through us even in the most difficult of times. I pray that my life can be like this clear bottle; allowig God's glory, mercy, and love to shine through me and reach the world.

"You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word...Uphold me according to Your word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope [JESUS]." Psalms 119:114&116

Jars of Clay

Similes are used throughout the Bible. Most often, things are likened to normal, everyday items or examples that the most common of people can relate to. I guess this is one reason I am drawn to the study of history. Without historical context, much of the Bible seems like meaningless examples.

In 2 Corinthians chapter 4, Paul describes the ministry of the Gospel and our relationship to this. I began studying this passage of scripture a few weeks ago. I could never quite nail down what God wanted me to understand. Then, I listened to Rick Burgess’ speech on the internet. Although he never went to these specific passages, I understood then what the Holy Spirit was laying on my heart.

We humans are here for one very specific purpose; to serve God. And He has one very specific goal for us; to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with the lost and dying world around us. Not every believer is called into vocational or full time ministry like being a pastor, teacher or missionary. However, each and every believer has a call to share the Gospel and live out the truths of the Bible in their lives.

So, what are you doing to further the Gospel and expand the Kindgom of Christ? Are you searching the Bible for verses that draw you closer to Him and that will help you help others realize that the Holy Spirit is calling them to salvation? Are you teaching you children that the ONLY thing that matters in this life is what they accomplish for Christ? How much time have you spent in prayer for your neighbor or co-worker because you know they need Christ and His love to make it in eternity?

These questions are not meant to condemn or judge. I had to ask them to myself. I had to examine how important the work of God was to me. I know that God is calling me to serve Him in some new and different way. Although I do not fully understand what ways He wants to use me, I am willing to give of myself and time to read His Word, pray, and seek out that path. Right now, I will continue to write what He tells me to write.

Read 2 Corinthians chapter 4 yourself and decide if your faith is veiled. Are you letting His light shine through you? Verse seven describes the gift of the Gospel as a treasure. We are simply the “earthen vessels” or “jars of clay” that God chose to use to share the way of salvation to the world.

In Bible times jars of clay were plain, ordinary vessels used to store all types of things. Usually, nothing of great value would be kept inside. Sometimes, a family might hide some valuables in these containers as no thief would look in these worthless pots. I would say this is similar to when people stuff money in their mattress or coffee can.

What we must understand is God chose to use just plain ordinary vessels to hide His most valuable gift; JESUS. Not only did Jesus come to earth as a human, but He lives today in the hearts and lives of all believers. We must understand this and take on the awesome responsibility of tending to our Father’s work here on earth. What would Jesus find you busy doing if He returned today?!?

Circus

Okay, go with me hear as these photos are the the REVERSE order that I intended them to be in! Perhaps you can read this post backwards! Oh well, leave it to me to mess it up!

Carys says her favorite thing about the circus was the elephants. The one on top here was the "baby" elephant. It was at least half as big as the others.

As suspected, Sawyer's favorite part was the horses! This big white horse he really liked.


Here is Sawyer before the show began. He was on this rail ALL night. A big "sorry" goes out to the people who sat in front of us. I decided that if you did not like kids hanging all over you, then you should not be a the circus!

Sawyer picked out this four-wheeler man. Carys' flashlight is on the CB page. They saved up their money in peanut jar for a couple of weeks to buy souviners. The funny thing is that the two things they picked out cost EXACTLY the amount they had in their jar! A big thanks to all of you who gave them dollars and quarters (Thanks MawMaw Bea).

Here is Sawyer riding on Daddy's shoulders as we walked to the BJCC. This was the easiest way to keep up with the little buggar who is pretty heavy just to carry. Justin might need an adjustment after this!

The Cottinghams

Just before the climb up the big stairs in front of the BJCC we paused for a family photo. All of us had pink noses and cheeks from the chilly walk.

This is Carys in the car on the way to the circus. For a week she asked "What is today? Is today the day for the circus." Now it was finally here!

I am so thankful for the weeks of normal living we have had. I pray that the comming weeks will pass by quickly as the last 4 months have. It is time again to return to the days of staying home and getting blood counts and such. All I can ask is that God continue to keep us in His hand as we go along this journey~

Trials

Trials – Thoughts from James (Jan 22, 2008)

Sometimes as I think about our family through Carys’ sickness it is hard for me to call these times of trials. However, I know that is what they are; times for Satan to tempt us to waiver in our faith. With God’s grace, I pray we will continue to praise His name in the mist of these times.
I heard the words of James 1:2-4 on the radio tonight as I cleaned the kitchen after supper. Every time I hear the Bible I am amazed at how personal it is. Although it was written somewhere around 60-50s B.C. it is still applicable to our Christian walks today. The thoughts behind this blog began in James, touch on the writings of Paul and also led me to examine the story of Job. The Bible is a wonderful book that works together New and Old to help me focus on fulfilling God’s call on my life.
James wrote to early Christians who were scattered and impoverished. His words not only apply to them, but to our daily lives as we strive to serve God and prevent Satan from gaining ANY glory from our actions.
Verse 2-3 says that we should count it joy when we are in times of trial. This is the attitude I pray for daily. I want to look at Carys’ sickness as an opportunity. An opportunity to grow and allow Him to put me into a new position in His will.
I have never claimed to be a patient person! Verse three tells us that such times produce patience. Oh how I wish I could have learned my lessons about patience sooner before Carys had to suffer. But, I go on believing that God has great things for her as well.
I had to read verse 4 over and over and meditate in prayer about its meaning. Particularly, what was the meaning of the word perfect? Did this verse suggest that I could obtain any level of perfection in this life? Then, like a flash from the past, words to and old familiar song came to me. “He’s still working on me. To make me what I ought to be.” Paul described life as a race. We are always striving for the finish line (spiritual perfection). Although we will never reach this goal until God completes His work in us, the ONLY way we can please Him is in striving for that perfection, Christ-like perfection, in all that we do each day.
All of us face trials. Not everyone loses a loved one, faces financial difficulties, or has to fight a battle with cancer. For some reason, I have endured all three! James 1:13 says God does not “bring” these things into our lives, but He allows us to experience them. (This can be seen very clearly in the story of Job.) No matter what our trial, we MUST remember who is in control of the entire universe. How small we must be in the grand scheme of things but yet the Bible tells us to remember how He cares for the lilies and how much more He must care for our lives.

Heavenly Father,
Once again I come humbly before Your throne. Thank You for allowing me the privilege of coming to You and depending on You in my times of need. I want to thank You also for allowing me times of trial in my life. It seems strange to thank You that Carys has cancer. That is not it. I want to thank You for choosing me. I consider it an honor to be allowed to endure these times of trial. As I read Job and consider the conversation between You and satan, it makes me wonder. Did you also mention our family to him to endure these trials? If so, thank You. It is truly an honor to show him that You and Your grace are greater that ALL my sin!
I continue to grieve with the Burgess family tonight. I know that they are leaning on You but that does not make their human desires to hold their child any less. Please give them comfort in knowing that tonight the Creator of heaven and earth holds their child close in their place.
In this same way, I ask you to surround my children with your Holy Spirit and keep them safe. Provide not just physical safety, but safety from the spiritual threats that are present in this world. Help me to teach them to be in this world but not OF IT! Give us discernment as we make decisions for them.
I ask you to continue to help me find ways to praise You in the Storm of my life. I feel a great peace that Carys will be OK. Please never let me lose my fervor to serve You! I love You and praise You for Your MANY blessings!
Amen!

Why Ask Why

January 20, 2008
With the exception of Jesus, no human ever to live has fully understood the plans of God. Even the prophets of the Old Testament who warned God’s people and delivered details about His plans to the people were not aware of all of the “WHYS” behind God’s plan. In this same way, I must admit that I have not always understood WHY God works in the ways He does. WHY did a three-year-old have to fight the grown-up battle of cancer? WHY could I not take her pain and hurt away?
One of my favorite Bible stories is found in Genesis chapters 37-47. This is the life story of Joseph; the most loved of Jacob’s sons. God’s plan for this young man is full of twists and turns. When reading this story, you must remember that none of the parties mentioned (Joseph, his brothers, or Jacob) could look into the future and see the outcome God had planned all along. In this same way, I could not look past Carys’ diagnosis and see the wondrous ways God had planned to use my little girl and our family.
Joseph was young when his brothers sold him into slavery. I think it would be safe to say that he did not understand why all of these things were happening to him. In some ways it contradicted everything he knew about God’s character and the Scripture. God was the loving Sheppard of Israel. He promised to protect and keep those who honored His Law. Had Joseph (and Jacob) not done this? Had they not honored God with their lives and decisions? In retrospect, that is exactly WHY God moved the brothers to sell Joseph. Without this bold move, Jacob and his family would not have found refuge in Egypt during the famine (chapter 42). What seemed like a curse on Joseph/Jacob was actually God exercising His foreknowledge and making a way to preserve this family who had chosen to follow Him among many pagan peoples.
We are not at the end of Carys’ journey with cancer. However, I can already see some of God’s master plan coming to fruition in our lives. There are people we could not have reached or even known had we not been in all of the places God put us in over the past few months. Most importantly, I have had so many opportunities to show God’s love, mercy, and saving grace to others as a result of this illness.
I still do not “understand” WHY God does a lot of things. Why do His people who are serving Him have to experience the heart break of having a sick child or even losing their precious child? But, as I read this story in Genesis, I see no mention of Jacob or Joseph asking God “WHY”. I do not think it is wrong to ask WHY, I just think it is pointless. There is no way that we could possibly understand God’s WHYS because we cannot understand God in our present spiritual state.
I like to think God has more important things for me to worry about! This may sound strange. How could God have anything else for me to do other than take care of my daughter? Well, from my perspective, GOD is the one taking care of Carys. He does not want me to sit around asking WHY. He wants me out working for Him; showing others the fruits of my prayer. The love and grace that He has so richly blessed me with, he wants me to share with OTHERS. He wants me to have JOY. This comes when I put things into this perspective Jesus, Others, then You(me). Neither Joseph nor Jacob stopped serving or trusting God even though they both faced hardships along their journeys.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for lifting me up during this time. Thank you for the gifts of Your Word and the Holy Spirit who guides me as I study. It amazes me each time I open your Word how much I have to learn and how applicable it is to my life. Please help me help others by sharing what you put in my heart. I love the feeling I get when I feel Your arms around me.
I do not understand why the Burgees family is suffering tonight. I do KNOW that You are mighty and still on the throne. I wish that I could share with them the peace and comfort that You have given to me over the past few months. Prayer is all I have to offer them. PLEASE wrap your arms of love around them. Help them to Praise you In THEIR Storm!
Help me this week to seek more about You and Your will. The Bible says those who seek You will find You. I know You mean in salvation, but I also think You mean in spiritual growth also. I want to be MORE like You.
Keep me strong and serving. Give me opportunities to share and the discernment to see when You place those opportunities in my path.
I Love You! Thank You for Carys’ progress. I pray for a good week of “normal” activities. As we approach the beginning of the next round of treatment, I pray you will build up her counts and strength to endure the chemo/radiation. I pray as she receives treatment that You will guide the chemicals directly to the cells that need to die and spare the rest of her little body from the side effects! I KNOW that You can perform this Miracle so I call on You once again. May You gain all of the Praise, Honor, and Glory from our lives and her healing!
In Jesus Precious Name,
Amen

Surgery

As you all can probably tell, Carys' recovery is going great. I continue to find verses in the Bible that ensure the faithful who ask things of God believing that He has the power will recieve blessings.

Does this mean that eveyone who prays gets what they want? Does it mean that when God says "no" or "wait" to someone that they are not faithful? Certainly NOT! That is hard to swallow while here at the hospital. Our first two days in PICU, there were two deaths. I know those families, and their communities were praying, seeking to hold on to their child's life. It would be judgemental and just plain WRONG to assume they are not faithful or did not ask hard enough. God has a plan that none of us understand. It is hard to sit in the PICU waiting room with people who's kids are fighting to live (sometimes loosing that fight) and say that Carys is doing great. Once, I even hesitated to say how blessed we were beacuse I did not want the grandmother to think God was not blessing them.

With all of this said, I find myself sometimes asking myself why God has chosen to show favor over me and my child. Then I realize that I am asking the wrong person! So, I decided to spend some time in prayer last night over this issue. I have come to this conclusion.

1) God was preforming this miricle in Carys not just FOR me or BECAUSE of my faith but He is doing it for our entire community. Through Carys, so many people are seeing the evidence of their faith.

2) Also, I know that He has a special plan for her in her life. I pray each day that she will realize that God has delivered her from this BECAUSE He wants her life to be a testament of His grace and mercy.

3) God expects us to pray with the same fervor and believe with the same depth about EVERY part of our lives. Not just when we need/want something. I think I was pretty good about this before Carys was sick but I know this has deepened by walk with Him. I now find "little" things to pray about and I know that I am more intune with other's needs.

Random Thoughts

Random> means spontanous, unpredictable. Events of the past few months have allowed me to realize that nothing about God is "random." Everything about His character is exactly as it should be. Eveything in His perfect will was ordered before time began.

These pictures were taken Sunday before Carys' surgery. God granted us a couple of weeks with no chemo. This allowed us to see the "real" Carys for a while. Her eyes returned to the color of the sky and her face was no longer pale and thin looking. God did not give us this time by accident. He knew it would be just the pick-me-up we needed to face surgery.

This is Justin and Carys the morning of surgery. We arrived at Children's about 6:00am. Carys was in good spirits and held on tight to her Racoon.

God is faithful. That is a fact. The Bible says that He seeks to reward those who earnestly seek Him. I think that means those who try to fulfil the great commission and live their lives as though they were Christ to a lost and dying world.

Monday, January 7, 2008 was a very difficult day for our entire family. On the Saturday night before surgery, God heard from His people and answered my prayer. I found peace in the middle of the storm. Just as He did when He calmed the stormy sea, He sent His angels doen to earth to bring comfort to me.

Thank you Father for hearing our prayers. Amist a horrible storm, You brought peace and comfort. Thank you for protecting Carys during her dangerous surgery. I pray that You gain all fo the glory from this procedure. I know that people lose their children everyday. I do not understand or comprehend why you chose to allow me to recieve these blessings but please give me wisdom to use all that has happened to witness to those You place in my path.

Holy, Holy, Holy

Lord God Almighty.

God in three persons,

Blessed trinity.

Facing Reality

*Warning Friends and Family: This post is brutaly honest!*

There are so many songs that discuss life and how we live it. Some of these songs suggest that we should "live like we were dying". The past few days have been really hard on Justin and me. It is so hard to look at your child and think this could be the last time I see her do that, or say that or sit there.
I really feel like satan is working to get us down. The thought of losing her is unbarable for us. As we talk, pray and read God's word we are drawn to the story of Job. What happened to him was completely unfair by everyone's standards. But, we know that God never left his side and beacuse of his faithfulness, he never left God's favor.
Tonight I am completly confident that Carys will be OK during surgery. I still so not fear the cancer, but the thought of someone having their hands in her little body and working on veins and near her heart bugs me! I cannot wait until tomorrow when the doctors can tell us all of the details. I have spent the last hour or so sorting through caringbridge sites and carepages and God spoke to me just as though He were sitting next to me. We have been so blessed and we will continue to be as we keep the faith.
The past 2 or 3 weeks with Carys have been unbelievable. She has been in good physical and emotional states. She has played, spent the night with grandparents, ate, and even gained weight! Her little belly has grown and I see fat again on her arms and face. I am glad that her body can recoup so fast from the chemo. God's perfect timing allowed us to have a wonderful Christmas and a time with friends and family.
I guess that has made it seem hard for me in a way. I catch myself thinking "why" is she feeling so good? Am I crazy? She is feeling good because so many people are praying for her. God's hand of protection is upon her.
This year promises to be an adventrous one! I am excited about surgery. Most Wilms paitents start their journey with surgery but we are just now getting here. To think that the main tumor and the thrombus will be out by Monday night is SO GREAT!
I will be constantly in prayer for the next few days. I pray for all of the other families dealing with Cancer this new year. Here is my prayer for Monday.

Father,
You taught the sun where to stand in the morning. And you told the oceans, You can only come this far. Thank you for allowing me the privilidge of coming before Your throne of grace and mercy on behalf of me, Justin, and Carys. I ask now for peace and comfort. Help me be strong in You. Carys needs me and the only way that I can be there for her is if You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. Let others see that my strengh is only found in You.
Please God, sustain Carys through her surgery on Monday. Guide the surgeon as he works to make her better. Provide peace and healing for our hurting hearts. Allow us to see past what brings fear to our hearts and feel the blessings fall like rain.
Thank you Father for sending Jesus to make a way for me to know You. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit's presence in my life to guide my way. And thank you Father for your Holy Word. It's stories and scriptures provide comfort in my pain and comfort in my darkest hour. Thank you for the love of family and friends in Christ. Please provide oppritunities for me to serve You and open the eyes of my heart that I might see them. Father, there are lost people in my family. Good people who I love and care for. Please use Carys and her spirit and strengh to show them that You are the ONLY hope for eternity!
I love you and promise to "Praise You in This Storm" Amen~