Get Behind Me Satan!

I created this blog so that I could post more of my thoughts/feelings than I do on CaringBridge.

Since Carys has been back in the hospital, Satan has tried his best to get me down. Causing me to forget that God has me in His hands and the Bible promises me (His child) that no one can pluck me from His hand. Not only do I believe this means in the eternal since, but also in the daily goings on in my life.

So many people have commented on my faith over the past few months. That has a way of getting to your head! I am dissapointed to say that I have let myself and God down over the past fews days. I know that God has a plan for Carys. I am trying now to worry only about the things that are of concern in the present. We will worry about everything else when we get there.

Honestly, I think this "cancer" thing is just settling in on me. I have understood and accepted the medical side of this for a while now. However, it is just now that I see Carys as fragile as she really is. The reality that she could get sick so quickly is mortifying! They tell me that her counts were SO low that her body is trying to mount a response (causing fever) to something that is really no big deal. The scary thing is that had she come in contact with a cold or something else it could spead in her body so fast. That is why they require us to come to the hospital for care. Everyone is so great here. Being here is like being in your own little world. It is hard to imagine that stuff is going on outside. Especially Christmas preparations. Justin and I shopped for the kids but time has not allowed us to go for everyone else. Everyone keeps saying that it is not important but to me it is! It gives me a since of normalcy.

This is the other thing that Satan uses to get me down! As you might imagine it is extremly difficult to leave Sawyer at home. He is growing up so fast. It is very important to me that his development and growth not be ignored as we take care of Carys. He is momma's little man and I miss him dearly! Again, I know that God has a plan for our ENTIRE family and I cannot wait to get home and hug and kiss him!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw&feature=related This is the link to a YouTube video that I watched today. I really touched my heart. I promised God at the beginning of this journey that I would Praise His Name no matter how down I got. I forgot that today when Carys was fighting a benadryl induced sleep. She was screaming so I decided that screaming would be good for me too. God convicted me not that I had yelled at her, she will forget that soon enough, but that I made a choice not to stop, pray and ask God for strenght and guidence in the harry situation. Greater is he that is in me!!!!! So, GET BEHIND ME SATAN! I have the power and authority to tell him that in the name of Jesus.

Father, teach me to rely more on You each and every day. Thank you for the many blessings you send my way. Especially my sweet husband and children, I love Justin so much. Please help me to be there for him during this time. Thank you for "bonking" me on the head and reminding me that YOU are holy and in in contol. The "unexpected" things in my life are NOT unexpected to you.

Continue to hold us and heal Carys' body. Raise her counts to unexpected levels and amaze the Drs!

Amen