Waves of Doubt...

From the Book of James:
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Today I lack wisdom...want to be fearless. I want to be faithful. And I want to be wise. I want my children to know that they do not have to live in fear because God is on the throne.

I want to believe...Today has been kinda hard. All I can think about is Carys. What is she doing? How does she feel? Is there cancer growing inside her un-chemo body? I know this sounds bad and unfaithful, but it is my heart today.

I felt like I would burst if I did not read God's Word and get these thoughts out.

How sad Christ must be that I made the decision to not think about what He did on Calvary to set me free. Free from fear and doubt. He allowed me to completely comprehend James 1:6. When I allowed fear and doubt to enter my heart, I felt over taken. Even like I was drowning in my pitty. I now know how Peter felt when he walked on water!

I have been so elated for the past few days after hearing the good news about Carys on Friday. The reports were there to confirm what I already knew God had done. As I allowed doubt to enter my heart, I was like Peter when he took his eyes off Jesus! And just the same, I cried out for God to save me from this fear and doubt!

So for now, I vow to tell satan to get out of my head because he will never make it to my heart. That belongs to Jesus!! I vow to claim the power, give to me through Grace, to overcome the heartaches of this world and live for HIM.

That does not mean I will never worry or be sad. But, I will NOT allow those feeling to overcome me and take my focus off of what God has put me here to do! Love Justin, love my kids, and teach them of God's unspeakable love for them!